Manasthesia (beer)

Simplicate (de-complify) 

 Cadavalier (don't mind corpses)

 Animobile (a horse)

Tripazoidal (groovy)

 Monogamitis (romanticide)


 Malifestoonment (?)

 Afrodesia ( One horny country)

 Podmates (two peas)

 Hobot (a vagabond android)


 Micro-fuss (obsess over details)      

Julery (jewelry)
"And the reason is, is.."
 EXcetera (for ET cetera)
nucular (probably from "nuke")
Rabbits don't hop (they "kaflump")
Diagnosises (I've heard doctors say this)
Have your cake and eat it too (should be vice-versa)

Reality (realty)
Foilage (foliage)
"I miss not being there"
Incidences (for incidents)
"I could care less" (actually, you couldn't)
"Hopefully I'll be there" (this is probably acceptable as nuspeak)
> Why do people giving speeches use the "long A" pronunciation of the word "A"? No one ever uses it in normal conversation


> Pixture / Acrosst. / Zinc (for sink) / Valentime / libary / Examinate / Versitality / Morbility / Cerebrial / Familiararity / Explorimental
> Mute point / Sit-Belt / Necetate (necessitate) / Reducal (reduction) / Heart rendering (rending)
> Some strange suggestions from my spell-checker: Congrats = Conga rats / liposuctioned = liposuction Ed
> Slightly skewed phrases by new Americans: "You can bet your bottom" (dollar?) / "It just came to me out of the blues" / "I wouldn't want to be in his shoe"


> Energy is overrated
> First, you love (yuk!)
> Evil is never necessary
> Passion makes the man
> Equality begets equality
> We all meet in the middle
> Life is perfectly imperfect
> Live to live; Work to work
> Two rights still make a right
> No whimsy goes unpunished
> There's always room at the top
> Nobody's perfect- good or bad
> Life is just the tip of the iceberg
> Some dreams require assembly
> Let yourself go - you'll come back
> Buying in is not always selling out
> Beauty is fragile, destruction is agile
> One never knows (but two often do)
> Things that stand to reason fall to love
> Cleanliness is in the eye of the beholder
> Let those who must win the little battles
> In America, every road goes somewhere
> Places have spirits, and spirits have places
> Change yourself and you change the world
> The Devil's never there when you need him
> You can't "find" time - you have to "make" it
> I'd rather be at a standstill than on a treadmill
> As long as you can dream, you'll never be poor
> Was the word "wag" coined just to go with tail?
> Life is a ledge. How far will you fall for freedom?
> The mob should rule, but it should be educated first
> Signs tell you where you're going, not if you should go
> If hearsay is not admissible in court, then why is see-do?
> We live in each other's dreams, and we all play each other
> In America, the more things change, the more they change
> When you drink, you let the weeds overpower the flowers
> A journey of MINUS 1,000 miles also begins with one step

> Evil is a virus
> The brain is a womb
> LIFE (edited for television)
> Where do we take this torch?
> love rhymes with everything
> Do God's work - be yourself
> Do chickens get chicken pox?
> loving well is the best revenge
> Life is not a game, it's is the game
> Don't settle until you don't have to
> The down side of loyalty is prejudice
> Every day, the world has more to lose
> Some dreams should never come true
> Every day's a holiday when you're dead
> Imaginary numbers solve real problems
> Truth is Simple, but not always obvious
> Life is cookie dough and you're the cutter
> Yesterday is fat. Tomorrow's not like that
> Birds may migrate, but they still have roots
> We ain't goin' nowhere, 'cause the world is round
> All things being equal, tenacity always beats talent
> The present future is the future present (like, wow)
> Without mistakes (mutations) we wouldn't be here
> Can a person be "gruntled"? Must it be an employee?
> America is growing into its clothes (i.e., the constitution)
> I've seen it all befor . .but I wouldn't mind seeing it again
> If you're not careful, your entire life can become a tangent
> It's not what you have that defines you, it's what you want
> Life's too short to hold grudges and too long to burn bridges
> To stand out in a crowd, you must first be a part of the crowd
> What I like about America is what I don't like about America
> Soap operas are like pro wrestling, only without the wrestling
> We all have some stupid ancestors. let's not be someone else's
> Sometimes you have to bend the truth to get it around the corner
> Nature makes me fall in love when my apartment needs cleaning
> What we say in our art should be the most important stuff we say

> Legends are compressed facts like diamonds are compressed coal
> You don't have to have an opinion on everything. You can use mine
> By the time we figure out what's worth fighting for, we're too old to fight
> Why do they call pornography "adult" material when it's actually infantile?
> It doesn't matter how fast your motor's running if your wheels are spinning
> If you want to make an omelet for the ages, you must break many, many eggs
> Words can only hint at the truth, and outline its shape through the veil of reality
> You can't build a successful life one day at a time unless you lead a really short life
> Sometimes you have to rise up and resist the flow. That's how continents are made
> Morning is so nice they should have it in the evening so more people could enjoy it
> The concept of tobacco companies helping people in need is like McDonald's helping cows
> How come people who lose huge sums of money on TV game shows never go berserk right on the spot ?
> If your mistakes don't kill you, they'll make you smarter. If they do kill you, they'll make someone else smarter
> Let us have a genealogy of place, not race. Make your towns and countries places of which all inhabitants can be proud.
> Teenagers are just adults with "gaps", which often cause them to jump to erroneous conclusions. Adults talk between the lines, but kids don't read between the lines
> Words are like atomic particles, alone, they are just waves, but when the are strung together, the achieve meaning (matter)
> Humans seem to think that good and good luck are the universal norm, which gives us the right to complain when deviations occur
>If no one ever told you that language was learned, and that there were many different languages, wouldn't you think that it just grew out of you organically (instinctively) ? This begs the question, "does language reveal concepts or create them ?

NAMES for...
Planets : New New Jersey / Sisyphus / Bluto / The Disney Planet / Coitus / Smiley Face III / Johnson / Coagulus / Herpes
Stars: Corn Dog 181 / Hotfoot
Nuclear Particles : Weetron / Iota / Squirt / Smallnik / Gherkin / Mojo / Grinch / Spot / Speck / Spock / Flubadub / Crouton
Europe: Dinkyville
Amusement park rides : Barf Mountain / BallBuster / The Chiropractor
The name Outer Space is so dull. I propose we call it "Boonterland"

Kids : Brunch / Fondue / Probe / Blairn / Budwig / Pariah / Anathema / Enigma / Enema / Peninsula / Spatula / Fork / Fluffy / Fetus / Quench / Quiche / Wither / Blurt / Thrust / Rotundo / Glycerine / Blunder / Fnerglia / Schnoit / Hebert (Shebert) / Aorta Dumpster / Asphyxia / R2D2 /
Musical Groups : Minutia (boy group) / The Ejaculations (a Capella) / Fluff Daddy Dog (Rapper) / The Mighty Bowels (Gospel)
Disk Jockeys : John St.John
Baseball players : Jesus DeJesus
Tropical Storms : Puff / Windy / Meatloaf / God Almighty


I won't be in to work because : I found something of historical importance in my ear
/ I accidentally shaved off my nose / I reversed over some treadles / I mistakenly ate 43,000 peanuts / I have a collapsed brain / I'm having my shoes repaired / I strained my throat muscles hollering at a particularly curvaceous jogger from my automobile / Work anxiety disorder / My Boa Constrictor has a gopher stuck in his throat / I have to iron my shoes

Someone stepped on my cadenza / I was pulling gray hairs and yanked out a piece of my skull / Seven of my great-great-great-great grandfathers died in an explosion / It's Klingon mating season / It's Serbo-Croation History Month / I'm being demagnetized / I'm inexplicably covered with mold / I'm nurturing my inner child / I'm brooding / I'm waiting for the ball to descend /
I'm stuck to the floor / I took too much Ginkobaloba and now I can't stop remembering things / I just found out that Elvis died / I'm working on a new laugh / Pre-traumatic stress / I have to do a thorough breast self-examination / I'm reinventing myself / I have to have my hair inspected / I have to photocopy my car mats / I swallowed some spider eggs

> It's a day of reflection, I have to stay in front of the mirror / I'm Freefallin' / Everyone picks on me 'cause I'm not Mongolian / I've changed my name to Lucifer, and I'm afraid people won't like me / I'm having every third hair removed / I've lost my train of thought / I'm waiting for destiny to call / I'm not ready to commit to being awake

Paradox / Oxymoron / Inconsistency / Ambiguity...

Paradox : Surrender to win / give to receive / The more we commune with others, the more we become individuals / If you could tempt fate, it wouldn't be fate / If you think you're better than someone, then you're not
Oxymorons: Post-modern / Gun safety / Holy Shit
Inconsistency : Cutting off your nose is actually a great way to spite your face, but don't cut off your face to spite your nose / How can you "express" joy, yet still "contain" it? / Why do they call it "abusing drugs"? It's the person who's being abused / How can a mishap happen? /
Why is a person called a red-head, rather than a red-hair (are there brown-heads?) / Baking soda isn't soda / What is "Mrs." an abbreviation for? / Shouldn't the drug-warning say "anti-sexual side effects"? / Shouldn't it be "the American Anti-cancer Society"? / It's better to beat a dead horse than a live one / My initial gut reaction is.../
> You drive a car, but you ride a bike / Planes & boats have captains. Buses have drivers
> Why do we say this information, but these data ? / If you cut a pair of pants in half, do you have a pant?
Ambiguity: Higher infrequency - higher in frequency / I am unable to do my duties 100% / You shouldn't drive for an hour (how 'bout for 55 minutes ?) / According to the dictionary, theatre and theater are BOTH correct. HUH?
Foreign signs confusing to Americans : (UK) ,WAY OUT (groovy, man!) / GIVE WAY (cave in?) / MIND THE STEP (but I don't mind)
Road signs confusing to foreigners (USA) : DO NOT PASS (pass what - this sign? ) / WAIT FOR GREEN (why wouldn't you?) / NO U-TURN (I no did)
Redundancies : Free gift / revert back / repeat again / 3am in the morning / ink pen / dream sequence / school students / A miscommunication problem / forewarned (aftwarned?) / Outskirts (inskirts?) / Now open ( open last week?) / We'll be right back in a moment / Health & Wellness
> (Overheard) " I don't want to be redundant by repeating myself over and over again"
Euphemisms: Therapist (rent-a-friend) / Issues (bad feelings) / Validate (agree with) / Nurture (pamper) / I can live with my drinking (I can't live without it) / Full-figured (..and then some) / Party (drink) / broken heart (broken spirit) / Fish lover (eats dead ones) / Hair spray (glue)


> I'm sorry, but I can't "get lost", I've bonded to you
> I claim you in the name of me (remember to duck)
> Hey there, youngster, I'm gonna freeze myself 'till you grow up
> I'm sorry, but I had to stare at your butt - it's in my "Contract with America"
> Everything is, at every moment, the destination of its own journey. Wanna boink?
> My pants - Where the past meets the future in a dazzling celebration of the human spirit
> Gee you're pretty, Miss Crabtree / I have a 40-foot colon / I just want an old-fashioned moron / Let the healing begin
 > I have stood in the burning light of the presence of the Lord. (Moses, after returning from Mount Sinai). For this one, it helps if you bathe in bleach before trying it out


> See my song lyrics. I believe they can stand alone as poems
> I saw myself in the shadow made by the light that I let in
> You can catch more flies with honey / Than a millionaire has money
> We force the facts to fit the find / and starve the heart to feed the mind
> I love me / I love you / does it matter who is who? (sounds like Barney)
> Trees seem poised, pregnant, breathless / about to bloom in yet another dimension
> I want a Klingon girl / with an arrow through her head / to take me to Nirvana / and leave me there for dead
> I am the seed that the world turns on / The present that the ages pass through / The bottleneck of the hourglass
> There's always something better / In someone else's view / Whatever you believe in / Is what you're meant to do
> My epic poem about the French Revolution: Fat men fled / Flat men fed. (this appeared to me on a Scrabble board)


> Moving air (breathing)
> Marital residence (home)
> Task (verb) / Privilege (verb)
> At this particular point in time (now?)
> "So I'm like.." (so I said) / "and he goes.."(and he said)
> "That's good advice, I'll take it on board " (="happy?, now shut up & go away")
> Let's have some sensible spellings; Though = tho / through = thru / What =wat
> Lawyer-speak: "Can I get you a drink?" "I don't know, can you?" "Yes" "Well then you can, but I don't want one" / "Will you send me a check?" "I can do that" / "Sitting here today, you're not going to admit that you beat your wife, are you?"

Humor > Alligators! in Bethlehem!
> Kitchen Safety For the modern male
> My Most Embarrassing Moment As a sports mascot
> Sidewalk Cafes
> Parking Lots
> Anarchy rules
> Columbus who was he?
> Sins of the Flesh
> Casual Murder What's all the fuss?
> Reflections of a Celebrity Stalker Radical social justice
> Plarnuvius the befuddler
> Renaissance Faire
> iPhone mania
> Dating your wife
> Babies on Board have a nice day
Inspiration > Love All you need?
> Live! Life to the fullest
> Aunt Bert Remembered
> Change The only constant
> The Elders Nursing Homes
> Communication Babel revisited
> Harmony Native American wisdom
> Spring be there
> Do No Harm if you can
> In or Out? which are you?
> Control is an illusion
> Music
> My Bike
> the View from Here Flying
> What Else is kindness for?
> Gratitude is the Attitude A little humility, please
History   > Germantown No place like home
> Making History Create a documentary
 > America
 > Classical Music is it dead?


 > Growing Older
> Where Have All the Hippies Gone?
> The Dirtbombs rocked
> Chariot of Fire

  > Leaving the Sedgwick Boyhood movie theater
> Mount Airy Post Office
> Play Ball baseball


  > Neo Pagan Cat Man That's me

 > BULL! fighting is cruel


  > My Hero A homeless man and his dog

 > The Fat Lady Judging others

from my
newspaper column

> Super Bowl Blues 
> Avenue Construction Update

> Summer Entertainment
>  Obama / Clinton Primary

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