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> If words could talk
> Dysfunctional Family Fun!
> Don't look at me in that tone of voice
> I come from a family with a history of death
> We are a nation of suers - i.e., litigation-happy.
> "Waiter, there are two large porcupines in my soup"
> Why is it Wednesday ? (from my 94 year old Mom)
> "Name the four seasons". "Football, basketball,
baseball, hockey"
>"Do you see what I'm saying?" "No, but I hear
what you're doing"
> " Normally, I wouldn't do that - but I never do anything
normally"
> OK, mom, you can have a continuing objection to my appearance"
> At the Post Office; "I asked for Donald Duck stamps,
this is Daffy Duck"
> "Hey doc, I can't remember my problems". . . "Have
you tried meditating?"
> "Ma, come quick! I think we caught the Pillsbury dough-boy
in the rat trap".
"Whoa - don't scare me like that ! " "OK, how
would you like me to scare you ?"
> On a baseball broadcast: "And now, the Payne-Weber
Crotch-Grab of the Game"
> "Click here if you'd like an auto response from an
infobot" (sounds like my love life)
> "He reminds me of myself at that age". "How
so?" "By being the same age - DUH!"
> Sign in courtroom; "The court is not responsible for
stolen items" (well who the hell is?)
> "I am putting myself in your place, and I feel
as if I should put my new self in my old place"
> Ladies and gentlemen, please honor America's robots and
stand for the singing of, "Robots, Robots, Robots, Hurray
> Sign on junkyard gate: "Attack Dogs on Duty" How
about if the dogs were there, but they weren't on duty - would
they still attack ?
> "Life's just one big joke to you, isn't it?" "Sure,
you mean it's not?" Ha ha, but seriously folks, millions
of middle-aged people today suffer from 'humorous outlook syndrome',
and believe me, it's no joke, - Please give generously
> A sign on "the strip" in Camden says "ALL
NUDE REVIEW - TRUCKERS WELCOME". It's about time. You know,
for years there was this elitist attitude amongst all-nude aficionados
that the admission of truckers would somehow cheapen the whole
affair
> I took the family to the Camouflage Museum, but we couldn't
find it, so we drove down to the Decoy Museum, and while we were
in there, our car was robbed
> "Since the accident, I haven't been able to play football
with my son." "Wouldn't it be better to play football
with a football ?" |
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